******Disclaimer* This post is more to myself than for viewers. I don’t mind if you read it, but it’s not meant to be understood….sort of like a letter to myself?******
As you inch closer to your BA, don’t forget to look back at what you’ve accomplished. Sure it has been an interesting ride, with more pitfalls than you realized would happen. You’ve been pushed and pulled into many directions, pressured waaaaaay beyond your comfort zone than you would like. These trials though helped create the person you are now though.
Sure! you’re still a depressed, anxiety filled, awkward to the extreme queen. Those faults just make you who you are. With depression you strive to make others happy so they don’t feel that same internal pain you suffer with. You’re there when asked, because you don’t want others to feel that same loneliness you feel everyday. With anxiety, you get a whole new perspective into thoughts and emotions that some people can’t even comprehend. Yes you overthink even the most basic of tasks, like walking through the same hall you previously walked in minutes before so you take an alternative route. But that overthinking sparks your creativity. You’ve tried medication before for these ailments, and yes they worked. With the racing thoughts gone you could achieve basic tasks again, but with the silence brings no thought. The silence brought along extreme artists block, and that caused your depression to escalate. Now that you’re off medication your anxiety is back in full force, but your creativity is back again. So the choice is: silence or noise?
Your relationship with your parents seems to have taken a 180. As the relationship with your father gets a little better, the one with your mother is spiraling. This isn’t your fault though, your mother chose some decisions that has affected your future stability in life. She’s also not supportive in your endeavors, which is just sad since she’s supportive in your younger sisters. You don’t have much resentment to your sister though, it’s not her fault. The only resentment you feel about the situation is geared to your mother and her actions. Despite your dads troubles with alcohol and drug abuse, he’s getting better. He finally started admitting he has problems, and apologized for the years of it. You still resent him, that’s not going to change overnight. It’s a step though. As for other family members outside of your immediate, you’ve distanced yourself. You don’t know why you did, you ARE the awkward queen. At this point in your life though, you don’t see any similarities. Their is no connection to them. As they start living what you consider “typical”, you are headed in a much more different direction. As the cousins you grew up with get/got married and have/had children, you’re looking into grad school and going overseas to better your art…and yourself. Their isn’t anything wrong with wanting to live a comfortable life with a significant other and kids, but that isn’t ‘You’.
You’re down to the final few weeks before receiving your BA in Studio Art, and people have started to ask you what your plans are next. As of now you have ideas and possibilities, but nothing concrete. As of now you want to move as far away as you can, but not possible right now due to lack of funds. So possibly staying around for a year seems to be the most probable. Stick to your guns though and save that cash!!! Think of the 10 months of basically Summer+humid hell you live through!! Apply for grad programs once they reopen in the fall, and don’t be afraid to email previous professors for reference letters. You need those letters!! And they know your work better than everyone else. They also know your faults and strengths. I can’t stress it enough: DON’T LET FEAR OF BEING A HINDRANCE KEEP YOU FROM ASKING FOR REFERENCE LETTERS!!!! (louder for the back!!)